Don’t be Chained by Stereotype Buckets

Identities, including gender, race, culture, and nationality, significantly impact people's thoughts and behaviors. Among all of these, gender identities have either the slightest influence, because they are so common, or the greatest influence, because they are the identity we have been aware of since we were very young and impact personal growth. I cannot say my gender identity is completely male, even though I have always identified myself as male.

Biologically, I was born and raised as a boy, and no one misidentified me as a girl. However, because of some of my personality and behaviors, my parents and even others sometimes told me that I was more like a girl in some ways. I felt totally weird and confused. Am I not a boy? Why does everyone who knows me well say that? I tried to figure out why, and after recognizing the differences and divisions between boys and girls, I understood the reasons completely. I was thin and short, possibly the size of a girl, which often led me to be placed in the girls' row for class pictures. Moreover, I was quiet and preferred not to play outside, running and shouting—behaviors typically associated with boys of my age. All these points of view were based on and directed by one thing: gender norms and stereotypes.

In China, gender norms and stereotypes set that a person of a specific gender should have certain characteristics. They together solidify people’s perceptions. For example, men should be strong and aggressive; women should be tender and quiet. Gender norms and stereotypes exist because there are lots of people as evidence. Their aligned personalities and behaviors shape those gender norms. However, there are still lots of people who are not adaptive to those standards. They are influenced by gender norms and stereotypes, expected or enforced to be the people they are required to be. For instance, an interfaith activist and the editor of the Muslim literary magazine, Blue Minaret, Saadia Faruqi, in her newspaper article “Cut from the Same Cloth” published in 2017, shares her personal story of living as a Muslim woman. She narrates that after her supervisor asked her “Why don’t you wear that thing I’ve seen other Muslim women wear,” she began to wear a hijab, a cloth expressing the Muslim faith, modesty, and decorum. (Faruqi 194) Although Faruqi didn’t dislike wearing it, her start of this behavior, clearly, was influenced by the religious stereotypes the supervisor mentioned. The same question for the gender stereotypes version is “Why don’t you wear the clothes I’ve seen other girls of your age wear” or “Why do you wear the clothes I’ve never seen other boys of your age wear?” Many individuals face pressure from their surroundings. As a result, they are compelled to conform to the gender norms.

The horrible thing about stereotypes is that they change both your subconsciousness and consciousness. Noticing some of my characteristics were girl-like as people told me, I gradually accepted those comments and questioned myself: Would it be better if I were a girl? Am I willing to be a female? If yes, is it due to my deep inner identity or just others’ influences on me? These were confusing and complicated. However, because of my male identity, I was still expected to be more “male”. I was expected to be tall and strong. I was expected to be tolerable and outgoing. As time went by, these expectations became my own will and I voluntarily hoped to be more masculine.

Nevertheless, some masculine characteristics and behaviors are not acceptable to me. It is difficult for me to tolerate the aggressive and harassing behaviors exhibited by some men. As a transgender writer, teacher, and speaker, Alex Myers, in 2017, in his essay “How #MeToo Taught Me I Can Never Be a Man”, argues that transforming from a woman to a man doesn’t mean he agrees with all men's thoughts and behaviors. He reinforces this claim by presenting the harassment he experienced when he was a girl, expressing disgust toward those behaviors, and stating that he refuses to act like men. He says, “I hear how men talk about women when they think there aren’t any women present. And I never feel more like a woman than when I am alone with men.” (Myers 257) I also experienced such awkward and annoying atmospheres. A lot of my male peers in my high school liked to judge women’s appearances and they thought it was nothing at all. They talked about the beautiful girls in the class. When they mentioned girls who were not good-looking, they expressed disgusting noises. I always refused to join this kind of gossip, but I had no choice but to listen to them when I couldn’t leave. As far as I know, this is a typical scenario that often happens when men think there are no women present. Do men have the privilege of judging women? Under such circumstances, I could not identify myself as a male.

These mixed thoughts made me think about which side I was supposed to stand with and how to identify myself. In the article “Stop Using the Word ‘Asian’” in 2021, the author Isvari Maranwe, who is the co-founder and president of Dweebs Global, an international nonprofit providing advocacy and support to those in need, argues that diverse people cannot be pushed into a certain bucket only based on some shared points. As an Indian American, she refuses to identify herself as Asian because there are different types of Asians, including Chinese and Indians, and sometimes racism against Indians is caused by those against Chinese. Even Indians themselves have different skin colors, languages, and religions. She also mentioned that referring to all people from East and South Asia as just “Asian” produces huge stereotyping problems. (Maranwe 55, 56) This highlights how, even if belonging to the same group, individuals can have significant differences and do not have to agree with each other, talk, or act like each other. In addition, Faruqi’s perspective reflects a similar complexity. She taught her daughter about the hijab in a larger context. Except for being a Muslim, she is also a woman, an American, and a human. The hijab doesn’t limit her to only the Muslim group, and she and her daughter are free to choose. Her daughter may or may not wear the hijab in the future, but the fortunate thing is she can make her own decision one day. These ideas give me tremendous inspiration. I can still identify myself as a male because it is my real inner identity. However, for those masculine behaviors I cannot accept, I can make the decision not to be a man for that moment. Similar to Myers’ idea, while I may identify with your group and look like you, I can choose not to speak or act like you.

It is easy to put people in the same buckets based on biology. Psychologically and behaviorally, however, it is impossible since everyone is unique and unlimited. Despite those mixed thoughts still lingering, I realize there are no required or “should” patterns I must follow. No matter what my gender identity is, it will never label me to a specific characteristic; rather, it offers me the chance to think deeply about myself and the freedom to define myself based on my own values and preferences. Furthermore, it keeps me concerned about various societal situations of different genders and compassionate about people who are distortedly influenced by gender stereotypes.

Nov 2, 2024, at UCSB

Works Cited

Faruqi, Saadia. “Cut from the Same Cloth.” America Now: Short Essays on Current Issues, edited by Robert Atwan. 14th ed., Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2023, pp. 192-195.

Maranwe, Isvari. “Stop Using the Word ‘Asian’” America Now: Short Essays on Current Issues, edited by Robert Atwan. 14th ed., Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2023, pp. 54-57.

Myers, Alex. “How #MeToo Taught Me I Can Never Be a Man” America Now: Short Essays on Current Issues, edited by Robert Atwan. 14th ed., Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2023, pp. 255-258.